I thought he was thunder,
Mighty and mean –
Where is he? I wondered.
He’s there, but unseen?


His presence among us?
No, that can’t be.
Then what’s all the fuss –
He sets people free?

Many symbols and signs,
Ancient stories you hear…
Water to wine?
It just wasn’t clear.

Incense and stained glass
Alters of gold
Attending a Mass
‘Believe!’ we were told.

So I did, and I prayed
As older I grew,
But my faith, it was frayed,
Only I never knew.

I believed He was ‘there’
And I heard of the cross,
But find him – just where?
I was still at a loss.

I tried to be good,
And thought I was kind.
For virtue I stood
But felt God was blind

to me and my son.
Why had he no voice?
Just do this, don’t shun!
Only then I’d rejoice.


Wasn’t ask & receive
The way that it works?
Was I deceived?
Don’t Christians have perks?

I went through the motions
Of someone with faith,
Strung together my notions
With used-up old tape.

Thinking praying meant ‘done,’
(for things that we need)
A voice for my son!
I’d cry and I’d plead.

Some people seemed blessed,
While others – not so.
My soul was distressed,
Where was our rainbow?

Like fog hanging low,
Doubt muddied my mind.
I wanted to know
Yet viewed God unkind.

Life felt very blue
And time swaggered on.
From my faith I withdrew
That connection long gone.

Folded hands on a pew,
Eyes closed and knees bent,
Say the words, there’s your cue…
Don’t forget to repent.

Repent? I’m a sinner?
What did I do wrong?
A believer-beginner,
Might not I belong?

So that’s what this meant?
You are bad, that’s the cause?
All the time that I spent…
Following ‘laws.’

An invisible God
Who cared none for me.
I was no longer awed
From him I’d flee.

There were lies in my heart
Bitter seeds that had grown.
Can you get a fresh start?
Could new seeds be sown?

Photo Credit: DesignStriveStudio

Through my anger and doubt
My heart still would whisper
Turn to Him and break out
I felt God say I miss her.

A friend wrote a note:
God’s okay with anger.
But could I devote
My heart to a stranger?

Invisible, yes,
But His spirit so near.
Just had to confess
I needed Him here.

I poured out my feelings
And all we’d been through,
All the autism dealings…
Then came a breakthrough.

Light broke through the fog
And my soul it felt warm,
Jesus reached me with love,
Without judgment nor scorn.

A bond once denied
Cause I misunderstood
For whom Jesus had died.
God then said It’s all good.

I dwelled on a truth
Presented to me:
The road won’t be smooth
By my side He will be.

All things He does
Have a purpose and plan
And when it gets rough
He’ll be holding my hand.

Yearning for Jesus
In a whole different light,
I finally got “frees us”
I could set things aright.

I wanted fresh seeds
Planted within.
Can I cut all the weeds?
Have a friendship begin?


A demand there was not
Just a beautiful nudge
He said what He sought
Was my heart, without grudge

My heart heard the words
Come back…you will see
It may sound absurd –
I was drenched in pure glee.

The anger had melted
And right in its place
No doubt I had felt it –
Unconditional grace.


Now in me a flower
I share with my God.
Jesus’ name is pure power,
Everyday I am awed

At what He can do
And how he forgives!
He has made me brand new
And within Him I’ll live.

For a beautiful music video related to this poem, click this LINK.

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